One of the most resounding moments of my life was while I was sitting on top of a mountain in Sri Lanka. I had just toured a Buddhist Monastery built into a mountain. We climbed the thousand steps to the top and found ourselves looking out over one of the most majestic mountaintops I have ever been blessed with experiencing. The entire purpose of the trip was to connect with myself, and it was successful. As we all sat there in a beautiful meditation my purpose became clear. I needed to free my mind of everything I had always learned. I was a work-aholic that needed to constantly distract myself with keeping busy. I loved serving people, but realized that there needs to be a balance of caring for others and caring for myself. You can feel good by making people feel good without having it consume you.
Honestly, I still get trapped in this circle because it’s just part of who I am. Although, now I have changed the self care ideals that I use to create. I never had time because I was too busy -. I needed to create time, force myself to recharge so I could give better. Once I started forcing myself to take the time, I found I was happier serving people. I wasn’t exhausted and frustrated at the demands I put on myself. Read that again… -the demands I put on myself. No one was forcing me to always make things perfect, no one was forcing me to do everything myself. Did the towels need to be folded perfectly? No. Was it OK if my kids ate boxed mac n cheese instead of homemade? Yes. My children always were raised with healthy options, ate tons of vegetables and salads, drank water and were not allowed to drink soda. They will survive eating Kraft Mac n Cheese and not feel like I was a horrible mom. It’s ok to occasionally be lax and allow them to eat what they want, they will be ok. In fact, they will be better if their mom isn’t stressed out all the time.
I remember when my kids came home one day from visiting with my sister and my nieces, and my son says to me - “ Mom, Auntie is the best cooker ever!” Now, being a chef I instantly perked up and wanted to know what she made my son that had him so excited. So, of course I had to ask what she made. His response was “She made fish sticks and smiley fries!” I couldn’t help but laugh... Here I was making my kids roasted duck, Ahi Tuna Nachos and all they really needed or wanted was some fish sticks. Lessoned learned. Relax.
What amazed me the most out of all my reflection is that all it took for me to understand what I needed, was to meditate. I never thought I could meditate. I’m never silent, nor do I ever have silence around me. But for me to sit in complete silence and just let my mind ramble for a couple minutes and then still.. was incredible! So many things became clear. Meditation not only clears and frees all the crazy ping ponging of ideas and lists in your mind, but it also reduces stress because it provides clarification and allows you to relax your brain. Stress is a huge factor in many major health issues. You carry your stress in your shoulders, back, & digestive systems. It keeps you from sleeping and can even cause anxiety. Stress effects your entire mind and body. You don’t always need medication to relieve stress, all you need to do is find your source of contentment. Maybe it’s walking, hiking or even crafting. Whatever it is for you, all that is necessary is that you can find some quiet to just be with your thoughts. If you would like to try meditation, there are many apps that will provide you with a guided meditation. Just understand that it may not happen the first couple times, it takes practice. No one is going to go out and run a marathon the first time they wear running shoes. So give yourself time, and honestly credit for even taking the initial steps to regain control of your life, your mind and your body.
